I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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