I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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