Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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