I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
