So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
