i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
