Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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