Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
How's work?
Spinning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
