I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
