from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
