Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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