i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
