I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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