Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
