Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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