idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
