Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
