he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
