I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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