I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
