Yo dont text me then not text me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
