If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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