i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
two words: eviction party
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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