apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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