that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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