WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
