I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
