apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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