I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
