my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
