I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
