Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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