Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I didn't notice because vodka
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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