I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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