im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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