You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
