You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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