I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
