Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I still have a little drunk in my system
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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