My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
