Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
