OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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