I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
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