Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
