not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
