Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
