Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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