Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
