I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
