So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
