dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
