sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
