yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
