I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
