she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
